A new enemy
by Internet Luv Masheen
Summary: It's a stupid joke. Come on. It's only up because I finished it.
1. Two fugitives and a mountain bar

Alcohol is evil: Chapter 1

By SoulfulZen

Disclaimer: Don't own shit.

Summary: After getting separated from Katara and Sokka, Aang finds Zuko, and they both gain a new mortal enemy: ginger schnapps. If you don't read into this story enough, it's a shounen-ai Aang/Zuko relationship. It's not. Really half-assed. Drunken fluffiness! Vaguely (read: very very vaguely) influenced by Brokeback Mountain, which I never saw. I have not a clue what the currency in Avatar is, so I'm just saying gold. I guess one gold would be about two bucks. I'll leave what the actual currency is to people who like this show more than I do. Three parts.

It had been hours since Aang had last seen the others. He was alone, pursued by Azula. He flew through the air as fast as he could. Soon, night fell. Aang was high up in the mountains, freezing his ass off, when he found a little village, gleaming like a gem in the night. He landed in the forest a few hundred feet away.

Zuko was tired, hungry and cold. He had been walking through this thick forest for hours, uphill all the way, and still no sign of anything, let alone a "quaint little mountain village". This was the same mountain village where uncle Iroh had friends who would hide him, he was sure. He was following the map precisely. Unfortunately, he was fairly sure that Azula was following him, so he had no time to spare. As he finally trudged over the crest of a hill, he saw a faint light in the distance. It couldn't have been more than a few hundred feet ahead. He hurried on, but halted when he heard a faint "thump" muffled by the pine needles somewhere ahead. The fire bender silently creeped forwards, giving no intimation of his presence. It was only a few feet before he snapped a dry branch underfoot.

Aang whipped around. Naught but seconds after he landed, he heard a twig snap behind him. He saw a figure jump behind a tree about fifty feet back. Probably one of Azula's spies. He sent a wave of wind towards the target, sending pine needles flying at the tree. "Show yourself!" he shouted.

Zuko heard someone shout, "Show yourself!" the voice… it was so familiar, yet he couldn't quite remember the name or face because of the exhaustion plaguing his mind. When he saw the gust of pine needles fly past him, one word came to mind. Avatar. That voice… it was Aang. He obliged the monk and stepped out from behind the tree.

When Aang saw Zuko step out, he was taken aback. The first thought that came to mind was 'Azula! He doesn't know how close she is!' Aang dashed the fire bender, grabbed him, mumbled something about Azula coming, then ran, dragging him along. When they reached the village, Zuko stood up, brushed himself off, and asked for an explanation. "Azula's coming! She's not very far, and she's on one of those lizards!"

Despite the explanation, Zuko was still confused. "Then why did you grab me?" Aang pondered for a moment. Honestly, he didn't know. He shrugged. Zuko shook his head. Suddenly, he heard a scuffle a ways back. He thought that, if Aang was right, it could have been Azula. He grabbed the air bender and ran into a tavern.

"Uh… why are we here again?" Aang asked when they stopped.

"I heard something back in the woods. If you're not exaggerating, that should be her," Zuko replied, tense.

"Well then, I have two more questions. First, why did you grab ME, and second, why are we hiding in a tavern?" Aang asked, slightly confused.

"To the first question, I say honor. You helped me, I helped you. Now we're even. Second, do you see any women in here?"

"Well, besides the two half-dressed ones behind the counter, no."

"That's because this is a men-only pub."

"Huh? Don't guys go to pubs to meet girls generally?"

"My uncle told me that he lived here back when the tavern was co-ed. There's not much for guys to do this far north but drink, and uh… you see when some men get too drunk they… uh… do… er, that is to say…" Zuko was having a hard time explaining the massive outbreaks of rape that Iroh had told him about. Aang was thirteen (minus the century in the ice), and Zuko didn't want to do too much explaining.

"They began overpopulating the town."

"Yeah. That'll do. Well, my uncle brought the woman together to rise up. Thanks to him, the women's tavern is on the other side of this village." The benders sat down in the corner of the room, out of view of the doorway. A barmaid came over and coughed.

"Can I get y'all something?" she said impatiently.

"Maybe in a minute," Zuko said, brushing her off.

"Well, then would you care to wait outside? Bar policy: No order, no entrance."

"Fine," he said, "What's good?"

"May I recommend the Ginger Schnapps. Sweet, just strong enough to relax, and it'll warm the coldest of bones."

"We'll take it," Aang piped up. The barmaid glanced at Zuko, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Alrighty, then. How long do you intend to hand out here?" They heard a loud BANG outside, and Azula shouting 'Where are they!'

"A while," the two benders said.

"Throwing in a room, as I can only guess that the psychopath out there is looking for you, that should cost you around 80 gold," she said. Outside, they heard Azula shouting violent threats to the fugitives if they didn't show themselves. "Up front," the barmaid continued. They heard something smack into wood, and heard a man shout 'My leg!'. "With a healthy tip." she finished. Zuko and Aang dropped a combined total of more than 100 gold onto the table. The barmaid smiled, and said, "I'll throw in something to munch on."

"Have you ever even drank alcohol before?" Zuko asked the monk.

"Well, I did have a little sake before I got frozen," Aang replied. Zuko rolled his eyes.

"Like it or not, you're drinking every shot you get. I refuse to be the only one too drunk to defend myself."

"Fair's fair. Besides, I did order." The two fugitive benders leaned back in their chairs and relaxed a bit, or at least Aang did. Zuko stayed alert, keeping his eyes open for suspicious characters. Moments later, the barmaid sat down two shot glasses full of warm, amber liqueur. Aang reached for his to pound it back, when Zuko held his arm back.

"Be careful. It may be drugged." he said seriously, eyes glimmering with too much experience as a royal to be poisoned.

"As if," the barmaid said, returning with a plate of what looked to be fried squid, "You two paid me too much for me to drug you." Aang thanked her, and pounded back his drink. His eyes widened, as he felt fire down his throat. That stuff was nuts! Besides the smack of alcohol flavor, the ginger flavor was strong and sweet. His eyes watered as he shoved calamari down his throat. When he finished, half the plate was gone. Zuko stared at Aang, then at his drink. He quickly pounded his drink. Not bad, he thought.

"Do you really have to be that dramatic?" he asked.

"Nah, but it's fun," Aang replied. He realized that everyone was staring at him. "I'll be a bit more low-key from now on."

"That'd be good."

TWO HOURS LATER

The two fugitive benders were completely blasted. Zuko was in his chair, leaning against the wall, slightly dazed. Aang was dancing like a complete and utter dumbass on the table. "Angatary-thing! Shuddup 'n get down from there, or my bitch sister'll come in here'n kick yer liddle ass!"

"My ass ain't so little 'n schtuff. (singing) Mah milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, 'cuz they say, it's better than yours, hell yes! It's better than yours!" the piss-drunk air bender retorted as he danced on the table, waving his ass while trying not to fall on it. He promptly crashed onto the floor, shouting about how he was okay. He sat on his chair, his head slightly clearer. "I'm fuckin' sick of all these people wanting me to save them from that Ozai fucker!"

"Being the avatar must be a bitch," Zuko said.

"You don't even know the half of it! Everyone always thinks you can help them with every little fucking problem as soon as they find out what you are! And your daddy's posters sayin' I'm an enemy of the fire nation ain't helpin' me out! People either try to kill me or beg me to bring their cows back to life or some shit like that! I'm not god, I'm just 13, or 113! I'm too old for this! Or too young! Whatever!"

"Fuck! You think that sucks? I'm just trying to get my dad to call me 'son' or tell me 'good job' or something, fucking bending over backwards, and all he says is 'Your sister would have done better!', so he sends me into the middle of bum-fuck nowhere looking for someone who's supposed to have been dead for a century, and he's some pre-teen little kid who drags me all over the fucking world, then when I try to save him from some psychotic sadist, TWICE, the only person who ever loved me gets exiled, along with me! Then, the oh-so-perfect sister goes and fucking kills him! Augh!" Zuko ranted. They were both getting riled up. Aang took another shot of the ginger liqueur. Zuko quickly followed suit.

"And the girl I like is too old for me, and I'm getting chased everywhere in the fucking world trying not to die with my only comfort being that the number one person I have to avoid has some honor, unlike everyone else trying to get me! Then he saves me from a psychopath and gets more karma than he could earn in thirty years dropped on him in a few weeks! And now, I'm chased by a psycho-bitch!"

"Wait, am I the number-one person you had to avoid?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I'm kinda honored that you don't think I'm a psycho." Zuko said. "You and me 'r a lot alike!"

"Holy crap, you're right! We're like the same damn person, just cut in two!" Aang's alcohol-dampened mind reeled at the revelation. The barmaid came along and warned them that the bar was closing, they had run through the booze-paying part of their fee, and they should go to their room.


	2. Jumping to Conclusions

-1A New Enemy chapter 2: Jumping to conclusions

By SoulfulZen

Disclaimer: Don't own shit.

Summary: After getting separated from Katara, Toft and Sokka, Aang finds Zuko, and they both gain a new mortal enemy: ginger schnapps. Really half-assed. Aang/Zuko drunken fluffiness! Oneshot. I have not a clue what the currency in Avatar is, so I'm just saying gold. I guess one gold would be about two bucks. I'll leave what the actual currency is to people who like this show more than I do. Oh yeah, don't jump to conclusions like the two idiot fugitive benders do.

Zuko shot awake. He looked around for half a moment, then he felt a splitting pain in his head. Hangover. Last night came back to him. But wait… when did he go up to his room? And where was… Oh shit. He saw the avatar next to him, nude. His mind shot to the worst possible conclusions. He saw Aang move just a tiny bit, and within under a second, he was dressed and shuddering in the corner of the room. The kid was twelve! He didn't want to twist his mind. Zuko stared at the air bender for a moment. Something in him suddenly thought that he was cute. Damn his mind! He slapped himself.

Aang yawned and arose from the bed. Pain shot through his entire body, as the drinking of the night before came back to him. He saw Zuko in the corner, scared out of his mind. He whipped around, looking for Azula. Then he saw his current state of dress, and felt a pain in his rear end. His back stiffened and he shuddered. "Zuko. What happened last night? I don't really remember."

"Truth be told, I don't either." They both shuddered as the same twisted image passed through their minds. That was one image nobody needed to see. Aang had just finished putting his clothes on, when they heard something similar in size and determination to an angry rhinoceros in the bar downstairs. Zuko quickly mentioned to Aang something about "bitch sister" and "run like hell". While the avatar grabbed his glider/staff, Zuko blew a large hole in the wall. The monk took off, the rogue prince hanging by his feet. A few minutes later, Aang figured it was a little safer to talk.

"Look, whatever happened last night… Let's just never speak of it again." Zuko agreed thoroughly.

"You know, I think there's a lesson behind this. Alcohol is fine in reasonable amounts, but getting blasted is not the answer." he said, trying to find something positive out of this whole fiasco

"Because of crap like that?"

"That and liver atrophy." Aang chuckled. Zuko was actually a nice guy when the time struck him to be. He remembered that time Zuko had saved him from Zhao, and what he had said to Zuko when he awoke. They probably would have been friends. Then it hit Aang: he still needed a fire bending teacher. And what was he carrying? Why, a fire bender! Maybe he could get Zuko to teach him.

"Hey Zuko. When I find Katara, Toft and Sokka, would you teach me fire bending?" Zuko was vaguely surprised. Then he remembered that Aang would need to master all four elements to be able to defeat the fire lord. His mind began planning how he would use Aang to take over the fire kingdom and bring reformation and peace. He would become the kindest, most powerful fire lord ever.

"I'll think about it," he said in his usual cold voice.

"Besides, it would be easier to escape from Azula if all five of us traveled together," the monk remarked. All five… Zuko hadn't even agreed to teach him, and Aang was already including him in his plans. Weird.

It was another day before the two benders found Aang's companions. Katara, Sokka, and Toft prepared to defend themselves when they saw Zuko walk out of the forest behind Aang. "Hey! Hold up! Zuko's coming with us. He's going to teach me fire bending! Right?" Zuko thought quickly. Hmm… capture the monk and get his father's praise, or help him and get his father's throne. Praise or throne, praise or throne. No-brainer.

"That's the idea." Everyone but Aang was a bit unsure about the idea. Katara was the first to speak.

"Well, if you're helping us, then I'm willing to trust you," Katara smiled. Sokka started wigging out, but nobody paid attention to him.

Toft piped up. "I think that if we're going to trust him, we should all four of us take a moment to meditate and focus." The benders sat down and meditated. Four hours later, night had fallen. The four were STILL meditating, focusing the elements around them (I guess there'd be something special about one bender of each element sitting in a cardinal circle). Sokka was just trying to light a fire.

"Dammit! These sticks just won't light!" Zuko's hand shot up, and he ignited a large blaze. "You know, I think you'll fit in just fine," Sokka mused, grinning. "Just fine."

The end! The story's over! But wait! It's in three parts! Next chapter explains what REALLY went on that night in the bar (between 1 and 2). It'll be fucking hilarious.


	3. The Night Before

-1A New Enemy chapter 3: The night we missed

By SoulfulZen

Disclaimer: Don't own shit.

Summary: After getting separated from Katara, Toft and Sokka, Aang finds Zuko, and they both gain a new mortal enemy: ginger schnapps. Really half-assed. Aang/Zuko drunken fluffiness! Oneshot. I have not a clue what the currency in Avatar is, so I'm just saying gold. I guess one gold would be about two bucks. I'll leave what the actual currency is to people who like this show more than I do. This is NOT something that happened after chapter 2. This and chapter two would be chronologically switched. This out-of-order state is for an artistic purpose. The morning after just isn't as funny if you actually know what went on.

The two fugitive benders were completely blasted. Zuko was in his chair, leaning against the wall, slightly dazed. Aang was dancing like a complete and utter dumbass on the table. "Angatary-thing! Shuddup 'n get down from there, or my bitch sister'll come in here'n kick yer liddle ass!"

"My ass ain't so little 'n schtuff. (singing) Mah milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, 'cuz they're like, it's better than yours, Damn right! It's better than yours! I can teach ya, but I have to charge." the piss-drunk air bender retorted as he danced on the table, waving his ass while trying not to fall on it. He promptly crashed onto the floor, shouting about how he was okay. He sat on his chair, his head slightly clearer. "I'm fuckin' sick of all these people wanting me to save them from that Ozai fucker!"

"Being the avatar must be a bitch," Zuko said.

"You don't even know the half of it! Everyone always thinks you can help them with every little fucking problem as soon as they find out what you are! And your daddy's posters sayin' I'm an enemy of the fire nation ain't helpin' me out! People either try to kill me or beg me to bring their cows back to life or some shit like that! I'm not god, I'm just 13, or 113! I'm too old for this! Or too young! Whatever!"

"Fuck! You think that sucks? I'm just trying to get my dad to call me 'son' or tell me 'good job' or something, fucking bending over backwards, and all he says is 'Your sister would have done better!', so he sends me into the middle of bum-fuck nowhere looking for someone who's supposed to have been dead for a century, and he's some pre-teen little kid who drags me all over the fucking world, then when I try to save him from some psychotic sadist, TWICE, the only person who ever loved me gets exiled, along with me! Then, the oh-so-perfect sister goes and fucking kills him! Augh!" Zuko ranted. They were both getting riled up. Aang took another shot of the ginger liqueur. Zuko quickly followed suit.

"And the girl I like is too old for me, and I'm getting chased everywhere in the fucking world trying not to die with my only comfort being that the number one person I have to avoid has some honor, unlike everyone else trying to get me! Then he saves me from a psychopath and gets more karma than he could earn in thirty years dropped on him in a few weeks! And now, I'm chased by a psycho-bitch!"

"Wait, am I the number-one person you had to avoid?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I'm kinda honored that you don't think I'm a psycho." Zuko said. "You and me 'r a lot alike!"

"Holy crap, you're right! We're like the same damn person, just cut in two!" Aang's alcohol-dampened mind reeled at the revelation. The barmaid came along and warned them that the bar was closing, they had run through the booze-paying part of their fee, and they should go to their room.

Up in their room, somehow, the drunken idiots had decided they could fuse into an almighty being that could restore balance to the world and fix their fucked-up lives. Aang was sitting on the bed. Zuko had decided to jump into his head. He leaped as high as he could, heating the air in his clothing so that he could get up to the ceiling. He hooked his clothes on the rafters and fell out of them, right on top of the avatar. His clothing fluttered down onto the side table. Aang decided to try, as maybe he could succeed because he was smaller. Roughly the same thing happened.

"Hey, maybe if we run headfirst into each other we'll fuse or sumthin'." Aang grinned. They tried this, crashing off each other. Aang landed with the bedpost shoved up his butt. He lifted himself off, and they tried again. This time, they crashed so hard into each other that they were knocked out, nude, in bed. And that's what happened.


End file.
